An Experiment with Myself
Strolling on the rooftop, after Sun has fallen, thinking aimlessly about routine banalities of life...language homework, simulations pending for research paper and some work regarding admission applications far from complete. All I wished for is happening yet everything feels like a pipe dream. Like worm in ripe apple, a subconscious thought was trying to eat its way out, there must be more in life than seems real.
Suddenly, breath caught my attention and I closed eyes. One of five senses was blocked from input. All I could sense was hear, feel, taste and smell. Already told you, I was on the roof. My eyes were deliberately rendered functionless. Can I not fall, yes obviously I can. So the base survival instinct kicked in. Brain activity diverted its attention from otherwise useless thoughts to all four senses. Out of which smell and taste were not of any cogent purpose here. Sensitivity to hear and touch naturally amplified.
Before closing my eyes, I was effortlessly walking, avoiding any concrete blocks , pipes etc and always atleast two feet from side walls. All thoughts that occupied mind had life, a past, a present and future. A premise and most importantly, a defined meaning. Now there was no past or future. Only present- need to be alive and not hurt myself. The Only thought-is my next step safe enough to proceed in the direction. And only interpretable meaning was- what does it take to walk safe, not trip or fall off.
As I proceeded with the exercise, awareness contracted to the geography of roof and apprehension toward two things : my degree of freedom and margin of risk.
During this struggle, when my eyes were closed shut, the only meaning and its reason encountered my mind was generated by me and for me myself, pertaining to survive and be safe but still walk . The range of mental activity was very limited now. Though everything was physically difficult , but mentally I was at more peace than with eyes open. My be because mind had less things to consider now.
Subsequently I opened my eyes, stillness vanished, perspective widened. Much more things had meaning now , those meaning which were fed to me since birth and out of them , most never had anything to do with me at all. I think same goes for us in life at large. We ruminate and confirm to meaning of many different things or events in our lives, which were actually made by others for some purpose inconsequential to us. But we just happen to absorb most of the garbage without giving a second thought , as a natural mechanism of learning everything perceived since childhood. Freedom of interpretation is very rarely offered to us and even if it is handed, much of our ideas are rejected since the very beginning, labeled as amateur or juvenile. As a result, we are forced to swallow most what does not belong to us and made to live adhering to a pattern ,much of which never makes any clear sense. And then at later pedestals of age, we tend to ask -" What's the meaning of life, Who I am , what is my real purpose of living etc .
We were never given adequate space and time to find answers to such questions ourselves. Our educational environment( a large portion of schooling and significant too of parental system) makes us learn passively by intellectualizing rather than encourage us to learn actively by doing. The explanations, judgments, interpretations, reasons , translations or theories given to us, ( for our so called satisfaction) , were someone else's constructs, thus never satisfied us, therefore confused us, and that is why our mental peace was in pieces, scattered in dark labyrinth many time in life.
This write was not meant to give conclusions or answers to any sort of your questions. Its not in my intention, capacity or authority to do that. Because I think, one can be at peace only of he himself find answers to the questions he asked himself. And one questions anything only and only of it falls in the circle of his relevance. So my request from readers is to question everything, every bit and piece of knowledge or information they possess or will possess. Most of what you have was never yours, never discovered invented or realized by you. And if its not yours, you may never be able to fully assimilate it . Never be able to appreciate its true value unless it is made to go through the scrutiny of self experience , analysis or questioning. Let everything pass the filter of your understanding first.
If knowledge is power, then, understanding that knowledge is the tool to use that power for steady progress and peaceful existence.
P.V. : Values hold value only if they are evaluated time and again.
It’s a fool's decision to assume, what came easy , is his part of bargain.
Suddenly, breath caught my attention and I closed eyes. One of five senses was blocked from input. All I could sense was hear, feel, taste and smell. Already told you, I was on the roof. My eyes were deliberately rendered functionless. Can I not fall, yes obviously I can. So the base survival instinct kicked in. Brain activity diverted its attention from otherwise useless thoughts to all four senses. Out of which smell and taste were not of any cogent purpose here. Sensitivity to hear and touch naturally amplified.
Before closing my eyes, I was effortlessly walking, avoiding any concrete blocks , pipes etc and always atleast two feet from side walls. All thoughts that occupied mind had life, a past, a present and future. A premise and most importantly, a defined meaning. Now there was no past or future. Only present- need to be alive and not hurt myself. The Only thought-is my next step safe enough to proceed in the direction. And only interpretable meaning was- what does it take to walk safe, not trip or fall off.
As I proceeded with the exercise, awareness contracted to the geography of roof and apprehension toward two things : my degree of freedom and margin of risk.
During this struggle, when my eyes were closed shut, the only meaning and its reason encountered my mind was generated by me and for me myself, pertaining to survive and be safe but still walk . The range of mental activity was very limited now. Though everything was physically difficult , but mentally I was at more peace than with eyes open. My be because mind had less things to consider now.
Subsequently I opened my eyes, stillness vanished, perspective widened. Much more things had meaning now , those meaning which were fed to me since birth and out of them , most never had anything to do with me at all. I think same goes for us in life at large. We ruminate and confirm to meaning of many different things or events in our lives, which were actually made by others for some purpose inconsequential to us. But we just happen to absorb most of the garbage without giving a second thought , as a natural mechanism of learning everything perceived since childhood. Freedom of interpretation is very rarely offered to us and even if it is handed, much of our ideas are rejected since the very beginning, labeled as amateur or juvenile. As a result, we are forced to swallow most what does not belong to us and made to live adhering to a pattern ,much of which never makes any clear sense. And then at later pedestals of age, we tend to ask -" What's the meaning of life, Who I am , what is my real purpose of living etc .
We were never given adequate space and time to find answers to such questions ourselves. Our educational environment( a large portion of schooling and significant too of parental system) makes us learn passively by intellectualizing rather than encourage us to learn actively by doing. The explanations, judgments, interpretations, reasons , translations or theories given to us, ( for our so called satisfaction) , were someone else's constructs, thus never satisfied us, therefore confused us, and that is why our mental peace was in pieces, scattered in dark labyrinth many time in life.
This write was not meant to give conclusions or answers to any sort of your questions. Its not in my intention, capacity or authority to do that. Because I think, one can be at peace only of he himself find answers to the questions he asked himself. And one questions anything only and only of it falls in the circle of his relevance. So my request from readers is to question everything, every bit and piece of knowledge or information they possess or will possess. Most of what you have was never yours, never discovered invented or realized by you. And if its not yours, you may never be able to fully assimilate it . Never be able to appreciate its true value unless it is made to go through the scrutiny of self experience , analysis or questioning. Let everything pass the filter of your understanding first.
If knowledge is power, then, understanding that knowledge is the tool to use that power for steady progress and peaceful existence.
P.V. : Values hold value only if they are evaluated time and again.
It’s a fool's decision to assume, what came easy , is his part of bargain.